Yesterday it was four weeks since the last time I held Maggies hand and told her that I loved her before her life support was turned off.
Today it is two months since the last time I spoke to her when she phoned me on my birthday to take the rip out of me at turning sixty.
I know these kind of days are going to be hard. Last night I found myself sobbing as hard as the day it happened......all part of the healing process I am sure.
I will be pottering again today.
The heat and the crying are giving me headaches and my powers of concentration are absolutely zilch so I will just do whatever takes my fancy. I might even watch Fixer Upper on the tv instead of squinting at it on the computer screen......and that's me who never watches daytime tv.
There is illness at the Doodle House. DDIL, Ruby and Marlowe went down to London for the weekend last weekend and the first night Marlowe was taken ill with a dreadful sickness bug which London Grandma and Grandad then caught. DDIL and Ruby have somehow avoided it but it has been bought home to DS who looked extremely ill when I saw him last night. I hope he gets well soon and that he doesn't pass it on to anyone else.
I think despite the heat I will pop the oven on for half an hour and make a cake for Andy. I have some eggs that want using up so I'll use them to make a Victoria Sponge. That will be a nice surprise for him when he comes in tonight and I have no other cooking to do today as DD is taking me out for tea.
Weather is very mixed today....still hot but sunny one minute and dull the next and I think I felt some spots of rain earlier on but that won't worry me as I only have towels to dry today and they are always done in the dryer. I don't like them dried on the line as they always seem scratchy to me. I like soft fluffy towels.
Hope you are all having a lovely day.
Sheila-x-
Oh Sheila...the roller coaster that is grief is never a pleasant ride...I well remember counting the hours after my Mother died...and yes after our daughter was stillborn...thinking I'd never smile again...but slowly I did...and those tears are much better out of you and able to dry off rather than staying choked up inside causing all sorts of mischief...sending healing thoughts your way today dear woman who I've never met but one day will! x
ReplyDeleteOh Jackie....I am so sorry for your losses.
DeleteI agree that the tears are better out than in but they come at the strangest times and when I least expect them.
Hugs-x-
It will be very hard Shelia, I have never really experienced grief in a big way, but I have seen it affect others, one day at a time xx
ReplyDeleteThis is my first experience of grief at close quarters Marlene and it really is so hard-x-
DeleteJust jog along a bit at a time. Enjoy your tea out. Daytime TV can be very soothing sometimes
ReplyDeleteThank you Sue-x-
DeleteOne day at a time Sheila, sending you a hug. Enjoy your tea out, hopefully the Doodles will be feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you MM-x-
DeleteThe pain doesn't leave, it doesn't really fade. It just finds a little niche deep inside and rests most of the time, just popping out every now and then for a visit. I do watch podcasts on the telly while I get some early morning knitting in.
ReplyDeleteI will just be glad when I get to a stage where I am not bursting into tears every five minutes Pam.
DeleteI do watch quite a lot of You Tube on the computer but never sit down in front of the tv in the day time as I know I would get too comfy and probably fall asleep-x-
I can't imagine how you must be feeling Sheila. Just take one day at a time and go with your feelings. X
ReplyDeleteA day at a time is just about all I can manage at the moment Jules-x-
Delete