I woke up this morning feeling really sad and tearful. I still feel heartbroken that Smudge is no longer here and I miss him so much.
I know a lot of people would say..."oh God...it's only a dog" but after spending twenty four hours a day, seven days a week with him over the last eight years and nursing him through a mangled leg after two dogs attacked him, an operation for a growth in his throat, various other ops and also having to bathe his eyes every day he just felt like a little person to me.
I'm still finding it a shock to walk into the living room and him not be on his blanket or into the bedroom at night and not find him on his bed.
I am hoping that when Spring comes and we can scatter his ashes that I will be able to start and get over it.
Andy has asked if I would like another dog but I have said no. I wouldn't want a puppy and I'm not sure about taking on a rescue dog with issues even though I know people with rescue dogs that are fine.
My main thought here is the girls. They both knew Smudge all of their lives and I would be scared of anything bad happening with a new dog. Smudge was quite happy to share toys once he had gutted them and never snarled or snapped at the girls but there is just that worry there so I think for now it's better to be safe.
So I am just having a mooching day today. I have bought my old crafting carousel down from upstairs and got rid of all the dried up metallic pens and other stuff it held and filled it with sewing tools so that everything is all together and now I am off up for a bath as DD is taking me out tonight. I have no idea where....she just told me to be ready for when she got home and not to cook any tea so I will do as I am told.
Hope you are all having a lovely day.
Sheila-x-
Thinking of you - it does get easier for sure. We grieve because we love. Sometimes the grief creeps up from nowhere and overwhelms us - other days it's a bit more manageable. It's definitely a tough time.
ReplyDeleteTougher than I expected I think Mrs. I can be OK for a few days and then like you say....the grief creeps up on me and just floors me.
DeleteThank for your thoughts.
Hugs-x-
Grief is the price we pay for love and it’s fine to have a wee cry now and then for Smudge. Enjoy your Tea out with DD.
ReplyDeleteI'll be glad when I can remember him without dissolving into tears.
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There's nothing wrong with having a cry now and again. Smudge was a huge part of your life.
ReplyDeleteI was of the same mind as you when I lost my last dog - I didn't want chance a new one in the house but Lily was only two and it felt strange without some small furry in the house. That is how we ended up with Mog. 🐱 X
I may change my mind...perhaps when Marlowe is a little older as the house does feel very strange.
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Have a hug, or 2 or 3. xxxxx
ReplyDeleteMuch appreciated Pam...thank you.
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You loved Smudge therefore you grieve. It would be strange if you didn’t. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your happy memories of good times with Smudge. Have a hug x
ReplyDeleteI loved him so much Jeannie. It will be nice when I can remember the good times without feeling so miserable.
DeleteThanks for the hug.
Hugs-x-
Just a thought - my daughter used to be a volunteer walker at a dogs' home. She was able to get o know some of them really well before deciding to adopt him. It's perfectly normal to grieve and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. X
ReplyDeleteI would love to do that but there isn't a dog's home locally that I could get to and help out. Travelling further afield isn't an option as I don't drive.
DeleteI may change my mind later on about having another dog but we'll see.
Hugs-x-
I'm so sorry to hear about Smudge, Sheila.
ReplyDeleteIts only natural to be upset, he was a dear family member. Rest assured that he knew he was loved and couldn't have had a happier life. xxx
He was definitely loved Vix and I hope he did know just how much.
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Just sending hugs your way, Sheila. Grieving a pet is like grieving a family member especially when you spend most of your time with them.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sharon.
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Sending you a hug. Smudge was a big part of your family life so it is quite normal to miss him and grieve. Have a nice night out.
ReplyDeleteSuch a little boy but he has certainly left a huge hole in my life.
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Tight hugs from me! I know how you feel and it doesn't get any easier no matter how many times you have to go through it. Each doggy family member is different and they have their own endearing personalities. It takes time to come to terms with losing a loved one, even a four-legged friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you Joan.
DeleteI have only ever had two dogs. My first one was a beautiful Border Collie who had to be rehomed as he got nasty when I had my first baby. I waited sixteen years for another dog and Smudge was chosen for me on the day he was born and he came to us at eight weeks old. I spent sixteen and a half years with him almost hanging onto my leg wherever I went. I'll be glad when I remember all the funny things he did without crying.
Hugs-x-
It's hard, isn't it - and takes time to adjust to. Hard on the heart and head . . .
ReplyDeleteI never knew just how hard it would be without him but I comfort myself with the thought that he is no longer in pain.
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He’s still there in your heart Sheila...big hugs xx
ReplyDelete....and he'll stay there for the rest of my days Jackie.
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